Kiruna Stamell

I’ve just been trawling the internet and reading lots of bitchy stuff about Kate Middleton.

I have nothing negative to say about her and I can honestly say I think she’s very pretty. In fact, she is probably very lovely too, but who knows, because unless you actually know her, you don’t know her.

I say this as someone who gets recognised as an actress every now and then by people who assume an over familiarity but can’t pronounce my name correctly (that’s my test btw), if you ever hit me up for a photo.

I think the bitchiness and criticism of ‘Kate as lazy’, is coming from a jealous, yet confused place. Jealous because this fairytale dream of becoming a princess is sold to little girls all over the world as if it is the greatest thing on earth to ‘achieve’. Confused, because we all (if we’re honest) can’t imagine anything worse.

You become rich and ‘powerful’ because of the man you marry and paradoxically become innocuous, hyper-’womanly’ and passive, judged on external appearances only, probably becoming one of the most objectified women in the world, and refered to as breeding stock, as if you were a pedigree or race horse.

Being a princess is – I imagine – deeply dissatisfying.

You become a princess and you can’t be yourself. You cease to be a human being. And you certainly don’t fart or have an opinion… just smile and wave…

And to my horror, I have actually read it in the papers, that her main job is – apparently – to have babies. OMG, are we living in medieval Britain? Her womb is part of her and I don’t think should be public discussion.

I knew there was pressure on her to look nice and open buildings and launch ships etc. But this open social discussion of her breedability and ability to launch-a-baby person is just nuts.

My genetic condition would probably rule me out of consideration as future mother and heir-baby-launcher to the throne… Thank God… because I was worried they were going to ask me. Although, it actually is highly unlikely my child will inherit my dwarfism, not that’d I’d have an issue if they did. And a ‘little leader’ could help the nation reduce its carbon footprint. And you can say what you like about ‘little people’ about us, but we’re economical.

But to reduce any woman to being merely a pretty baby making machine, is quite frankly offensive! And I know the whole nation has an ‘interest’ in her womb but I DON’T think that it should! It is her body and not the Provence or Borough of any county, country or ‘public interest’ poll.

I also don’t think she should have to ‘get a job’ or work hard at being a member of the royal family, if being a house wife in Wales is what she wants to do… Why should she have to do anything else?

I am a feminist! And I am angry on behalf of Kate Middleton and her sister’s bottom, which has had way to much coverage, in the way women’s bodies are over scrutinised in the media; all the time!

Yes. You heard me. I AM A FEMINIST.

Having just read Caitlin Moran’s book, ‘How To Be Woman’… I feel full of the fuel that makes me one! I agree with lots of what Caitlin says… ‘specially her stance on pubic hair. I am not sure her stance on Kate Middleton’s womb.

However… I digress.. but only slightly…

My interest in Kate was piqued recently because I am quite excited about all things ‘Union Jack’ at the moment. Don’t get me wrong I am a loyal Australian and republican (not monarchist). But I am a little bit keen to explore my future Englishness as I am about to marry a Brit. And I am quite impressed with the variations and multiple incarnations of the Union Jack. Its many manifestations and colourful designs have got me abuzz. ‘Specially the ones in Paperchase.

But back to my feminist rant…

I would like to see some female role models in our society – not just the UK but all over the world – who got there because they’ve worked hard, they’ve studied or trained or explored and adventured and took risks… Maybe achieved something in maths and science. And it’d be great if they weren’t necessarily pretty.

I guess this goes really against the monarch and associated media power brokers. Who – as an aside – I wish would stop going to parties where dwarves are serving champagne in some sort of cliche’d attempt to make a boring party ‘cool’. Yes, I know, we dwarves make everything cool but I thought royal families stopped collecting minatures years ago!* – Read Betty Adelson’s ‘Dwarves; from public curiosity to social liberation’.

The constant objectification of Kate as a fashion icon, her weight, her face… and weirdly by extension her sister’s and mother’s bodies… bla bla bla… is the same old sexist crap that gets written about all women in the press.

It’s all part of the same bollocks (if you’ll excuse the misappropriation of male bits). Women being valued for their bodies, looks and having status because of who they married, rather than what they do, think or say… It gives me the shits!

And my emotional reaction to all this rubbish is rage, it is as basic as that. We can intellectualise it til the cows come home, but if women are only the summation of their husbands and hotness of their bodies, devoid of their own brains, feelings and ownership over their own wombs (whether they produce babies or not)… then what a load of crap we’re being sold ladies!

Kate is a WAG who doesn’t abuse the fake tan.

And if you read that above sentence and go, ‘awww Kiruna you are such a bitch… Kate’s lovely…’ then I say you are missing the point of my rant.

I am sure she is lovely. This isn’t about Kate the human, who uses a loo like the rest of us… this is about what makes a woman important in the media and society.

They focus on what she’s wearing, her weight and her face… and oh yes… these things are of interest because of who she is married to…

Show me a woman who is empowering because of what she does. This doesn’t have to be Middleton, just any woman… Any one of us who decides to stick our head above the trench wall and take one for the team… And lets do it, with or without marrying into it.